Today is my three year anniversary since I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. I am happy to still be alive and doing as well as I am doing and I am hopeful that this will continue as I have been “cancer controlled” for 15 months since starting a clinical trial. I thought it would be a good idea to share a diary I kept the first week of my cancer. Below is my journal.
Cancer … A diary
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
My husband, Gary, and I were fully prepared to receive good news. We were certain that the swelling, redness and discoloration in my left breast was mastitis because my most recent mammogram from mid-May was normal. When the surgeon told me that the biospy results showed cancer cells I seriously thought she was mistaken. How could this be? I had always had my annual mammogram and was always on the lookout for lumps.
After I texted my friend, Christine, with the results she came right over and, like a good friend would do, took me out for Mexican and beers (at lunch!). When I got back to the office my co-workers had gotten me a six pack of Mic Ultra, saying they wanted to keep me “drunk and laughing”. Then my co-worker, Kim, and I did a little retail therapy at Stein Mart on the way home.
Day 1 of cancer – not so bad.
Thursday, October 23, 2014
Day 2 of cancer – pretty good! I worked hard and got checks processed at work, then after work, Christine and several co-workers who never come out after work all came over for a drink and we went to the White Dahlia open house where we drank wine, won prizes and got chair massages.
Day 2 of cancer – awesome!
Friday, October 24, 2014
Met with the surgeon. Not fun. She informed me that the mass is too large for a lumpectomy and illiustrated (yes, she actually drew pictures!) the various paths we might take. Here is the kicker. The type of breast cancer I have – Lobular – is not detected on mammograms. Fabulous! I have faithfully gotten mammograms every year due to my family history of having a Mom who died as the result of breast cancer, and yet the insurance companies didn’t think an annual ultrasound would be worth paying for. WTF! I informed my surgeon that if I had to end up having a mastectomy that I would only agree to it if I could have immediate reconstruction and that I did not want to come home without it. Having watching the horrible, awful things my Mom went through, I know it would be emotionally devastating for me to have to look at myself without reconstruction.
We made an appointment for Monday morning with an oncologist, Wednesday for an MRI and Thursday for a PET scan. After we get those results then we will know which treatment option I should take.
My friend Christine came to the rescue again. She came over at noon, brought lunch, and then we went and saw a movie, The Judge, with Robert Duvall. We were hoping for something that would distract us, but it ended up that Robert Duvall’s character had (wait for it) CANCER and was on chemo. I took a bathroom break during the scenes where he was throwing up. God I HATE throwing up. I am not in the mood for chemo.
Day 3 of cancer – so, so.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
I woke up thinking how mad I am that yearly ultrasounds weren’t recommended. I have decided that whether or not I pursue treatment will depend on what stage I am in and what my chances of surviving are. Right now I am trying to not think beyond the next step. My work family has been incredible. I really didn’t know that people cared so much. I talked with a former co-worker, Patty, today who’s husband, Les, had cancer. She was very reassuring and gave me good advice to listen to what the doctors say, then take a couple of days to decide on what I want to do. She also told me that as a parent she would be devastated if she felt her children couldn’t tell her if something like this was going on. So we agreed that I would wait to tell my Dad until when I visit him in AZ in November unless I felt I had to tell him before that time.
On the up side, my friends Christine, Laurie and my wonderful husband, Gary, put up the outdoor Halloween decorations today. That was so incredibly nice of them and it makes me so happy!
Day 4 of cancer – kind of sucks but not all bad.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Got my finger nails painted for Halloween and got more low lights put into my hair (red). My nails look so cool – orange and black wiht opposig color polka dots! I told my hairstylist, Luis, about my impending chemo and asked him if I could call on him for a “chemo cut” and styling of a wig. He grimly offered. I hate telling people about this. After the salon Christine, Richard, Laurie and I went to Pipers and sat outside to have a couple of beers. The weather was gorgeous!
Day 5 of cancer – mostly spectacular!
Monday, October 27, 2014
I had my first meeting with my oncologist, Dr. Campbell, today. I had read mixed reviews about her bedside manner, but I found her to be very knowledgable, down to earth and gets to the point. Her nurse, Dawn, was wonderful. They took blood to test my bones and for genetic testing to see which gene is responsible for the cancer. The doctor said the tumor in my left breast is 7 cm wide by 6 cm long. It’s going to be chemo first followed by surgery. They talked about removing my ovaries and possibly a full mastectomy. Dr. Campbell says they can give me meds for nausea and she agreed that reconstruction can and should be done at the time of the surgery. I will meet with her again next Monday to go over test results and make a plan for treatment.
Christine and I went to CVS to buy Halloween candy today. It was fun! Christine made ALL of the Halloween stuffed animals and creatures play their sounds. This went on for several minutes. I told Christine that she is like a 10 year old when it comes to things that make sound.
People at work are coming around and they are all impressed at how strong and positive I am. Anita says I am an inspriation to women. I received cards from Kitty (the receptionist), Anita and Pandra. The outpouring of caring is amazing.
My t-shirt designs for the “Dwarfs of Menopause” were a big hit with my co-workers!
Gary made the meatloaf shepherds pie recipe with chorizo. It was spicy but good! I told him he is the best husband ever!
Day 6 of cancer – Good (especially for a Monday)
DD's Dish 